Older I Get
by mirage24
Summary: Lawrence and Lucas attempt creating a starting place to try rebuilding their father and son relationship. Set sometime in season 1 but before the season finale.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own _seaQuest DSV_ or its characters. I am not making money off of this. This is just for fun.

**Originally, this story was written as a songfic, but due to the rules surrounding songfics on this site, I have taken those lyrics out. In lieu of them, I encourage you to look up the lyrics to _**"The Older I Get" By Skillet**_, as this story was based on that song, or to search the song and YouTube and listen to it. For this song/story combination in particular, I feel it is needed, and am saddened to have to take the lyrics out of this here.**

**A/N:** This story takes place sometime in Season 1 but _before_ the season finale.

* * *

**Older I Get**

"Your father's coming aboard."

His mind shut down at the words. His _father_ hadn't dared to even come _near_ him in years. Always too busy with his work, always as concentrated on it as, dare he say it, Lucas himself was.

Lawrence Wolenczak. The name didn't exactly ring paternal bells for Lucas, though he wasn't sure if he were more angry, saddened or scared by that thought. Sure, he'd long for his father to care but he was just as angry that Lawrence _didn't_ seem to feel anything toward his son aside from frustrated annoyance.

"He'll be here within the hour," Bridger continued.

"Why?"

The kid was full of curiosity and the want to learn, but Captain Nathan Bridger had never before heard that word come out of his mouth with such utter lack of emotion.

"He needs a lift to another one of his laboratories. We were in the area and happen to be headed in the same general direction. Admiral Noyce thought it wouldn't be too much trouble and…" Bridger trailed off, noticing anger rising in the boy's eyes.

When Lucas noticed the Captain's close scrutiny, he narrowed his eyes and took on a defensive stance with his body as if he were trying to defend a theory of his against a group of adults who thought he was just some ignorant child.

"So he only makes an appearance when he needs something," he stated flatly. "Sure sounds like _Dad_, doesn't it?"

"Lucas…"

Bridger reached out to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort the boy but Lucas pushed it away mid-action.

"No, Captain, I'm fine. Try not to tell him where my room is, I guess, okay?"

He turned to leave, walking about six feet before Bridger said, "He wants to see you, Kiddo."

"I'm sure," Nathan heard in response, though it was nothing more than a quiet, desperate whisper.

* * *

"He's angry about it."

"And he has every right to be, Nathan," Kristin assured him. "Their relationship is rocky and Lucas has felt neglected his whole life because of it."

"With good reason," the Captain argued.

"Be that as it may, only _they_ can fix it. This is the perfect chance to do so, and whether Lucas likes it or not, I'm sure Dr. Wolenczak is going to take the opportunity to repair their bond."

"To be honest, I'm not completely sure they _had_ one in the first place."

* * *

"Where's my son?"

It was one of the few questions Lawrence Wolenczak asked after he came aboard the _seaQuest_ and, surprisingly, one of the first. He was disappointed, though not entirely surprised, to not find Lucas amongst the small welcoming committee, and only made it apparent how much _harder_ it was going to be to do some healing in the two weeks he'd be traveling with the _seaQuest_ and its crew.

"In his quarters," Nathan assured him, shaking his hand in greeting.

"Point me in the right direction and I'll be out of your way for the duration of my stay here, Captain."

Bridger, against his better judgment, replied with, "He's resting and has asked to be left as such for the remainder of the evening. He's been working hard on a new project. I'm sure you'll be able to see him tomorrow."

Lawrence knew the Captain was lying, but he couldn't say he didn't blame him. He _knew_ he'd all be neglected Lucas as he grew up but his work—

He shook his head and sighed. "Alright. Someone want to show me where I'll be staying, then?"

* * *

Lucas watched, but couldn't hear, the conversation that played out between his father and Captain Bridger. He'd hacked into the sub's security cameras fifteen minutes ago so that he could watch this precise moment play out. A small pit of regret was beginning to form in his stomach for not being there to welcome his father, but he ignored it as best he could.

He saw his father mouth what appeared to be a question about where Lucas was, followed by Bridger going off about something that ended in his father shaking his head.

So the Captain _hadn't_ told him where his quarters were located after all.

Lucas made a mental note to thank the Captain for it at a later date.

He shut his computer off and lay on his bed, looking up at the ceiling.

"What am I _doing_?" he asked himself aloud.

"Sleeping?"

The question came from the aquatube to Lucas's left. He turned his head to see his dolphin friend looking at him from the other side of the glass.

"No, Darwin, I'm not sleeping."

"Lucas okay?" Darwin asked.

= "Not really," he answered. He took a deep breath to calm the frustration that was beginning to build up within him. It was aimed at himself, and didn't feel like it was going to go away anytime soon. "Darwin, do you think it's stupid of me for not going to see my father when he came on board?"

Darwin seemed to pause for a moment to think about it before answering him with a question.

"Lucas mad at him?"

He laughed once, though it was one with a frustrated undertone. "Yes, Darwin, I'm mad at him."

"Don't be."

Lucas turned all the way onto his side when the dolphin said that. "Why not?" he countered. "He nearly abandoned me here, stuck me on the _seaQuest_ because there was nowhere else to send me."

"Lucas hates _seaQuest_?"

"No! No, Darwin, I…" The frustration at his own feelings got the better of him, and Lucas stood up and paced quickly the small space between his door and bed. "I think I… hate him, Darwin. I don't know what else to feel but anger and like I was a complete disappointment to him despite doing everything he asked of me."

"But father is member of Lucas pod?"

Lucas stopped pacing and turned his attention once again to the dolphin. "Well, yeah. He's my father, a part of my family whether I like it or not."

"Can't hate member of own pod," Darwin told him. "Not possible."

Lucas grabbed his PAL, stuck it in his pocket, and reached for the door handle. Before leaving, he mumbled, "It is when you're human."

* * *

An entire week had gone by with Lawrence Wolenczak on board the _seaQuest_, and Lucas had managed to avoid him during all of it. Sure, there had been a couple close calls, but his father didn't exactly demand a face-to-face meeting with him, either. In fact, Lucas had—at one point—gone so far as to ask Ben to get him food from the mess hall to avoid any potential run in with his father. Ben grudgingly agreed, though advised Lucas that maybe, just maybe, he should make the best of the situation and attempt to patch things up. To that, Lucas merely shut the door more or less in Ben's face.

It was because of _that _event that Lucas now sat across from Captain Bridger in the mess hall. Nathan was angry, Lucas could easily spot that. More like he could _feel_ it.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just don't want to see him."

"I'm not sure that's an acceptable excuse anymore," the Captain told him.

"I'm sorry about what I did to Ben. I didn't mean it to be taken the wrong way, I swear."

"You shut the door in his face after he did a favor for you," Nathan said. "A favor, for the record, that shouldn't have needed to be asked in the first place."

Lucas ran a hand through his long hair. "I just don't want to see him, is that too much to ask?"

"I think you need to."

He shook his head. "No."

"Then go back to your quarters. I'll send _him_ to _you_."

"What?" Lucas asked. Last time he checked, he _wasn't_ the Captain's kid and that near-order sounded a whole lot like 'get to your room and stay there until I tell you it's okay to come out'.

"You heard me, go."

Lucas stood from the table, sent the Captain a look only an annoyed teenager could, and headed toward Mammal Engineering with a scowl.

* * *

When he went to turn the doorknob, Lucas didn't imagine to find his father sitting on his bed on the other side of the doorway. In fact, it was the _last_ thing he expected to see.

"What are you doing here?" he asked his father coldly, not daring to move from the doorway.

"Have a seat."

"You can't tell me what to do in my own room," Lucas replied like a ten-year-old.

"Lucas, please," Lawrence said, gesturing at the desk chair. "Can we just talk?"

"I don't know, can we?"

Lawrence took a steadying breath. "Fine. I'll tell you wanted I wanted to say from here."

He stood and took a step in Lucas's direction, to which Lucas responded by taking a step back into the hallway.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around as much," he said.

"Try ever, _Dad_."

"Things have been a bit crazy…" Lawrence wanted to add, "at work," but realized that it wouldn't lead them down the correct line of conversation.

Lucas picked up on it though, much to Lawrence's dislike.

"You're too busy at _work_ to call your son on his birthday?" he asked him angrily. "What about on Christmas? Or how about, I don't know, just to say _hi_?"

"I'm sorry, I was wrong about it all."

"Damn _right_ you were!" Lucas shouted. "You know, the sad thing is that if you had just… at least talked to me in real time, not left some _recording_, for my birthday, I wouldn't be so pissed about it. But no! It's always recordings with you! Once a year, if I'm lucky, but a recording all the same! The great _Lawrence Wolenczak_," he said with as much sarcasm and incredulousness as he could muster, "might be able to give the _whole world_ free power but has too much going on to call his son for a _two minute_ conversation. Real nice, Dad. I wonder what the world would say about that one, to know that their potential sole power provider can't even keep his family together."

"That was uncalled for, Lucas."

"Was it?" he asked. "I mean, really, Dad. Don't you deserve some scolding for a change?"

"You're my _son—_"

"Since when?"

Lucas had stepped closer to him by now, no longer afraid to face him. Anger was written all over his face, coupled with a sense of desperation. He _had_ to get through to his father while he was here, standing in front of him, or he feared he would either never get the chance to again or would never have the courage to try at a later date.

The question had Lawrence floored, though, as it made it apparent just how far Lucas was from him. He opened his mouth to speak but then shut it when he realized it wasn't going to help the conversation any.

"_Exactly_," Lucas said, watching the action. "The only time you've been my father was between the first time you held me as a newborn and when you realized how _smart_ I really was. Since then I've only been a nuisance and nothing more."

"That's not true, dammit!"

The raise in Lawrence's voice made Lucas flinch and recoil a step.

"I love you, Lucas. You're my son," he said, voice dropped down to normal speaking volume. "We've both made mistakes—me making most of them," he added when he noticed Lucas was about to protest his misstep in words, "and I'm _sorry_. I am so incredibly sorry that I'm not sure a million apologizes would be able to make up for it. But I'm here and I'm trying, can't that mean something?"

Lucas was floored. How many years had _he_ spent vying for and trying in desperation for his father's attention and praise, and here Lawrence was, begging for his son to take him back.

All these years and Lucas never thought _he_ would have to be the one to accept the other. He always thought that he'd be trying and failing to win his father's attention until the day one of them died.

"Dad, I…" Lucas didn't know what to say.

He feared that despite whatever connection they may possibly make today and for the rest of the trip, that his father would just begin ignoring him again the second his research started up again. And that was something, a rollercoaster of emotion, Lucas wasn't completely sure he wanted to risk dealing with again.

Lucas looked to the ceiling, past the ceiling and just in the general direction of _up_, looking for any guidance of some sort to help him with this decision. In his mind, he knew how stupid it was to debate something like this, he really did. But at the same time, he couldn't dispel the potential risk at reconnecting to his father again.

In the end, rationality won out and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Instead he quickly closed the distance between them and threw himself into his father's embrace for the first time in far too long.

"Yes," he told his father. "It can."

* * *

It wasn't a surefire fix, he reminded himself as he watched his father depart the _seaQuest_. No, it was just the beginning of the rebuilding of their relationship as father and son. For now, all Lucas had were the promises of continuous and constant contact between his father and himself, but it would be the coming weeks that tested out the strength of those promises. Only time would tell, and they were both only getting older. Their reconnecting had to happen sooner or later, Lucas was sure of that. He just wasn't sure _when_ it would happen, though he sure hoped it was soon, that his father kept his promises.

**END**


End file.
